divorce were easier, we’d probably see a lot more divorces. In reality,
a lot of unhappy couples stay married because they become overwhelmed
at the thought of moving, changing all of their utility bills, changing
all of their account passwords, changing their health and life insurance
policies, updating their estate planning documents, packing boxes, deciding
on pet custody, and so on.
In this hectic world, people are so busy that they’ll choose to stay
in a bad marriage just because it’s comfortable and what they know.
Sound crazy, but
it happens all the time.
If you’re dreaming of divorce, you may have the same concerns as
most spouses. You may dread the idea of putting your house on the market,
changing all of your passwords, changing your insurance, and so on. All
of the mundane, tedious tasks can feel
overwhelming. If you can relate, we recommend you continue reading. In this article,
we give some actionable advice on how to make the initial physical separation
from your spouse easier on you.
1. Changing the account passwords.
Whenever someone gets a divorce, it will soon become necessary to change
the account passwords so their spouse cannot do anything to the account
that could be detrimental. Once the divorce is on the horizon, we recommend
changing all of the passwords to your emails, social media accounts, and
online accounts. This way, you have control over the accounts and not
Even if you anticipate an amicable split, divorce and spouses can be unpredictable.
We do not recommend leaving your online account passwords unchanged. Instead,
you should immediately dedicate an evening or a couple of hours on the
weekend to update all of your account passwords. Spouses can be like loose
cannons amid a divorce; don’t take the risk.
2. Respect your spouse’s belongings.
Once you decide to divorce, there is a good chance that someone is going
to move out, or perhaps you’ll both move out and move into separate
residences. Either way, you will inevitably be dealing with your spouse’s
property. From electric trimmers to supplements to artwork, hangers, luggage,
and everything in between, you’ll be faced with decisions about
your spouse’s “stuff.”
If you find yourself tempted to donate all of your spouse’s property
to the Goodwill or burn it in a bonfire or metal trashcan, or give it
away to your relatives, please don’t. Instead, treat his or her
property with respect, even if it’s just their toothbrush or $30
salon shampoo. Avoid throwing anything out without their permission and
instead, pack it up (or have them do it) and treat it with the respect
you’d expect him or her to treat your personal property with.
Make a to-do list.
When you physically separate from your spouse and go through the motions
to become divorced, you’ll be surprised at how many tasks you have
to tackle. For example, you may have to change all the utilities so they’re
in your name alone, you may have to change your cellphone plan, your Amazon
Prime account, your auto insurance, and so on. Our advice is to stay organized
and keep a running list so you don’t forget all of the tasks you
have to tackle. Each day, prioritize and handle the most important tasks first.
4. Talk to your employer about the divorce.
It can be really tempting not to tell your boss or manager about your divorce
because you want privacy or you don’t want him or her to think the
divorce will affect your productivity, but it’s wise to at least
inform them of the divorce. Your boss should be made aware of it in case
you have to take any time off to meet with your attorney, a realtor (if
you put your house on the market), attend mediation, meet with your spouse
for negotiations, and attend court hearings.
5. Inform your children’s schools.
You should inform your children’s schools about the divorce, and
if you have young children, you should let their teachers know what’s
going on. This can be helpful when your children are going through a difficult
time so their teachers have a better understanding of any changes going
on at home. Also, if you have a
domestic violence restraining order, be sure to make a copy and give it to your children’s
schools so they won’t release your child to the parent named in
the restraining order (also called a protective order).
6. Choose a healthy outlet to relieve stress.
Divorce can be the best decision of your life, but that doesn’t
mean you aren’t going to be emotional and it’s not going to
be stressful. To cope with the stress of divorce, a lot of people turn
to food, drugs, alcohol, and smoking or they become depressed and stay
in bed. While it’s normal to experience negative emotions during
a divorce, it’s not healthy to turn to self-destructive behaviors
to “numb the pain.”
If you find yourself searching for a way to cope, our advice is to choose
healthy outlets, for example, you can join a gym, find a new exercise
activity you love, take yoga, start hiking every day, take up surfing,
volunteer at homeless or abused women and children shelter, revamp your
diet so it’s healthy, go back to school, etc. The idea is to channel
all of that stress and frustration into a healthy distraction that will
enrich your life and take your mind off the divorce. It’s a much
better alternative to beating your body and mind up by choosing an unhealthy
6 Secrets from a Divorce Lawyer
Are you ready to file for divorce? For compassionate, but experienced representation,
contact Claery & Hammond, LLP today!