Did you fantasize about
divorce for years, and now that it’s actually happening, it’s hitting
you harder than you expected? Or, did you think that you were going to
be married forever, but suddenly, your spouse dropped the divorce bomb
and now you’re in shock? Or, did you see divorce on the horizon,
but you’re still having difficulty coping? Regardless of what happened
and how you got to this point, it’s highly likely that you’re
going through a difficult time right now.
Your spouse could have been
emotionally abusive. Perhaps one of you
cheated. Or, perhaps your careers kept you both so busy, that you grew apart and
you felt bored with the marriage. Regardless of the reason for the divorce,
it has a way of turning people’s worlds upside down. Divorce usually
makes it difficult for people to get through the workday, and it can put
a big damper on their productivity. Fortunately, though, there are tips
that we can share that can help you through this adjustment period.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Recognize that your emotions may be all over the place for a while. You
may be happy one minute and sad or angry the next. If you are exhausted,
low energy, have anxiety or are having difficulty concentrating, understand
that this is only normal. Even if the marriage was rocky or unhealthy
and the divorce is for the best, it’s still common for people in
these situations to be anxious about the future. If you’re fearful
or are experiencing unpleasant feelings, these intense feelings will lessen
as time passes.
Don’t isolate yourself. It may be tempting to bottle all of your feelings up inside, but it’s
best not to go through this alone. You should share your feelings with
trusted friends and family who can offer you emotional support during
this difficult time. If you isolate yourself from the world, it can affect
your concentration, make you less productive, and increase your stress
levels. If you need to see a therapist, don’t be afraid to start
Take good care of yourself. For starters, you want to give yourself a break. You may find cleaning
and organizing to be therapeutic, but on the other hand, you may have
trouble functioning at first. Give yourself permission to function at
less than optimum levels for a little while, but don’t let it go
on too long to the point where it’s unhealthy. As you take time
to heal, focus on your health. Get plenty of rest. Eat healthy food, and
exercise. Avoid self-destructive behaviors like too much alcohol, smoking,
and illegal drugs because they will not help you cope in a healthy manner.
Stay away from power struggles. Your emotions may be very raw right now, especially if something big happened
like someone cheated, or your spouse seriously broke your heart in some
way. Even still, it’s important to set your emotions aside and to
avoid power struggles. If you feel your anger coming on, it’s time
to take a step away and cool down. Avoid talking to your spouse when your
emotions are intense. If a phone conversation starts to get heated, calmly
tell your ex that you’ll finish the discussion later.
Explore what interests you. Distractions can be very healthy during a divorce, whether this means hitting
the gym, hiking, taking a long walk on the beach, volunteering, spending
time with friends and family, signing up for a class, or exploring things
that interest you. The idea is to do something that excites you, to find
joy in life, and to look for ways to distract you from the divorce.
Focus on your kids. If you have minor children with your spouse, you should be focusing on
them anyway because it’s the right thing to do. Reassure them that
the divorce is not their fault, and shower them with love and affection.
Remember, there is a very good chance that your kids are going through
a hard time too, so
listen to them.
Your children may want to sit on the couch and talk for hours on end, or
they may want to spend extra time with friends for distraction, or they
may want to get out of the house and do things with you that gets their
minds off the divorce. Be prepared: they may hit you with some unexpected
emotions, and that’s okay.
Focus on the future. There is a lot of power in thinking positively. You just suffered a true
loss, but it’s important to shift your focus to the future. What
do you want to do with your life? Do you have dreams you’ve always
wanted to pursue? You may want to make new friends, take up new hobbies,
and take time to truly enjoy life. If you have children, you can honor
family traditions with a few tweaks, but you can also make new ones.
Prepare for a new normal. If there’s one thing that’s for sure, things change after divorce.
It may not be drastic at first, but five years from now, your life may
look very different. You may want to maintain routines that you like and
take comfort in, but expect to adjust to a new normal too, especially
if you take our advice and explore new things that interest you. By facing
the unknown and the future with a zest for life, you could be very pleased
with the way things turn out.
The Three Divorce Dilemmas
Looking for a Los Angeles divorce attorney to represent you during the
Contact Claery & Hammond, LLP to request a
free initial consultation.