Whether this is your first
divorce or your third, it’s important to know that like snowflakes, no two
divorces are identical. Let’s say this is your first divorce. Maybe
you think you know divorce because you watched your parents go through
it or because your best friend divorced recently. Well, no matter how
much you may think you know about divorce, we’ll tell you it’s
full of surprises. Some good, some bad, and some indifferent.
Our advice is to get educated on the laws so you know what to expect, then
brace yourself for the unexpected. We’re not necessarily referring
to your seemingly friendly spouse catching you off guard by claiming you
have a drug problem and seeking sole physical
custody of your children, though that has happened before. We’re making
a catchall statement saying that you may find
the divorce process takes quite a different path than you originally thought. In this article,
we shed light on some of the strange things that happen in divorce that
never even crossed our clients’ minds.
1. You Didn’t Expect to Feel Ashamed
If you went from complaining about your spouse openly to close friends
or family and now that you have decided to divorce, all of a sudden you
feel embarrassed or ashamed, that’s not unusual. For one, you have
nothing to be ashamed of! However, if you went from a social butterfly
to a wallflower who has no desire to discuss your divorce with most people,
that’s perfectly okay.
It can be uncomfortable talking about your divorce and you are under no
obligation to explain yourself with everyone from your neighbor to your
co-workers to the people who you work out with every day at the gym.
2. You Didn’t Shed a Tear
At least, not over losing your spouse. Perhaps you did cry, not because
you broke up with your spouse, but because you have to face child custody,
or because you have to sell the house you love so much. But cry over the
death of your marriage? Maybe you didn’t shed even one tear. Maybe
you feel nothing. Maybe you even feel thrilled that you’re finally
free from the chains that bind you. Maybe you cried harder over your high
school breakup than your 20-year marriage. Does that make you a bad person?
No, perhaps it’s just a clear indicator that you are doing the RIGHT
thing, that this divorce is truly for the best.
3. You Want to Date...Now
Some of you reading this will be thinking, “What? I have NO desire
to date, not ever again or at least not for a very long time.” Then,
some of you will be thinking more along the lines of, “I am so excited
to date, I cannot wait to touch somebody new.” If you fall into
the latter category and you’re checking your Tinder account as you
read this article, you’re not alone. If you’ve been in a loveless
marriage or one that lacked physical intimacy and connection, believe
us, a lot of divorcing spouses feel this way.
California is a no-fault divorce state, so you are free to date during
your divorce. However, you want to be smart about it. We do not recommend
changing your status on Facebook from “married” to single
until you actually are single. You probably shouldn’t delete all
the pics of your spouse on your Facebook and Instagram accounts until
the divorce is final.
Also, be careful about wasting marital assets on a new love interest. While
a divorce is pending, you do not want to take a romantic partner on vacation,
nor do you want to spend large amounts of money on them. If you have any
questions about dating during a divorce, contact an attorney from our
firm about it. We can answer all of your questions so you don’t
make a mistake that could haunt you later in the divorce.
4. You Realize You Were Married to a Stranger
If since filing for divorce, you have unearthed all kinds of sordid details
about your spouse that you never knew, you may feel like you were married
to a stranger or like your marriage was a lie –
it happens a lot.
If you have discovered that your spouse was cheating on you, that they
had secret emails, that they had a secret cellphone, that they were hiding
money, that they had a pornography addiction, or that they were visiting
hookup sights, again, you’re not alone. If you have run across such
information, we’re sorry you’re going through this, but the
good news is it should help confirm that divorce is the right thing to do.
5. Your Kids 100% Support Your Divorce
Surely, you’ve heard all the horror stories about children having
a very hard time with their parents’ divorce. Perhaps you were so
worried about how your kids would react, that you held off for years because
you didn’t want the divorce to devastate them.
Well, guess what? Sometimes, children are actually 100% supportive of their
parents’ split. Sometimes, kids actually get angry at their parents
for not divorcing sooner. So, if your children have suggested or even
begged you to divorce in the past, you may be pleasantly surprised that
they’ll actually be happier if you and your spouse decide to call it quits.
The Kind of Person Who Divorces
We hope you found this article helpful. If you’re looking for divorce
contact our firm for a
free case evaluation!