There are times when couples come to that place in their marriage where
they realize that they are no longer meant to be together, whether it
is the endless arguments or the lack of love and romance, marriages end
after a season for many couples. A huge concern for parents especially
when considering the option of
divorce is the wellbeing of their children, and wondering how a divorce between
their parents will affect them. For many couples who are going through
a divorce, they still equally love their children, just not their parent
anymore, and with that the parents want to figure out a method that will
work in favor with their new divorce lifestyle as well as being beneficial
for the child.
Many couples who divorce and live in the same area will consider dual custody
to be a very effective method for parenting. Though as with any decision
involving children, it is always good to consider the pros and the cons
of everything, particularly in light of a divorce. Here are some of both
the strengths and weaknesses of dual
custody for parents that have divorced. Every family situation is unique, so talk
this advice with a grain of salt, and use these tips to help you consider
what is best for you and your ex as well as the children. Depending on
how old your kids are, consider even discussing their needs and wants
with the divorce, perhaps you are willing to listen what they would prefer
when it comes to custody, or you would rather decide for them. Whatever
the case may be, take time to think it over; custody is an important decision
for any divorcing parents to weigh the options on.
Defining Dual Custody
Custody comes in a variety of different forms, and can be understood as
legal or physical custody between both parents. The idea behind this approach
is that both parents are very involved in the lives of their children,
and it is an arrangement that gives the kids time to be with their parents
as well. When parents agree to have dual custody over their kids, they
are stating that they both want to have a say in their lives both personally
and legally. This could include their religious practices to their education
as well as medical decisions, and so on. In the realms of dual custody,
say the father chooses to live in their home town while the mother has
to move to another city for a job. They may agree that the father has
the children a majority of the time so that the kids can keep their friends
and stay at the same school, but the mother will still have the right
to spend a lot of time with them as well, perhaps every other weekend
with her or the summers, depending on what they decide. There are many
different ways to approach dual custody, which gives the parents a little
bit of flexibility to decide what is best for each of them as well as
the children.
Strengths of Dual Custody
Having both parents involved in the lives of their children is a definite
bonus to choosing dual custody. Many professionals would agree that it
is a beneficial way for the children to be raised when there are both
parents involved in their lives. A lot of this has to do with maintain
their relationships, but also because both parents have unique traits
to bring to the table that will help mold and train the children in different
ways. While one parent may be good at sports and math, another may be
more on the creative side, and enjoy literature and therefore the kids
can be exposed to both of those worlds. Another key issue in dual custody
is that it reminds the children that even though their parents divorced
they were not abandoned by one parent. It is very common for kids to feel
that a divorce is their fault, and when one parent takes full custody
they may struggle with the idea that their other parent doesn’t
love them anymore or that it was their fault. A bonus of dual custody
for the parents is the fact that while you are able to have a good amount
of time with your children, you also have some free time; this gives you
the opportunity to catch up with friends, recover from the divorce, and
even get back out into the dating world again.
Weaknesses of Dual Custody
While having equal time with both parents can be a beneficial thing for
the children, there are some situations that perhaps it will only make
the situation worse. For example, say that the ex’s are always fighting,
still, over holidays or weekends, etc. this can add a lot of stress on
the child, and they may come to dread being picked up by one parent at
the end of the week for fear of hearing yet another argument between both
of them. Another downside to dual custody for the children is the fact
of switching homes every so often, this can get tiring, and even tedious
for the children to do all the time. Having two homes and always transporting
clothes or toys back and forth can be hard, and even the idea that even
though its “moms weekend” little Susie’s best friend
is having a sleepover Saturday night in her dad’s neighborhood but
can’t go, can be hard for the kids to understand as well.
Going through a divorce is never easy for the children, though it is entirely possible to deal with when the parents are willing to make it work. While there are some downsides to dual custody, overall it has proven to be a very effective method for the children as well as the parents who are hoping to stay involved in the lives of their kids. As long as the two parents are willing to try and communicate with each other and make it work out, dual custody can be a pleasant arrangement. Communication is everything, and perhaps it was difficult to do in your marriage, maybe now that you are living separately it will help a bit. Remember, now you are trying to help your kids, and by working together it is for them. If you are considering divorce, or have more concerns about custody arrangements, contact Claery & Hammond, LLPtoday for a trusted divorce and family law attorney.
