Most of us have been brought up to believe that it’s better to stay in an unhappy marriage for the “sake of the kids.” But the truth is, this outlook often teaches them that this is what marriage is all about, and that it’s okay to be in a miserable relationship.
Sometimes parents forget that what their children really need is a stable, loving and peaceful home, a home that is free of the constant arguments and shouting. Often, the scars left from growing up in a turbulent household are much worse than going through a divorce.
More often than not, children emulate their parents. If all they’ve ever learned from their parents is how to be in a bad relationship filled with arguing, ridicule and bad communication, they can easily choose that for their own relationships and marriage.
If their parents are bitter, hateful and cold toward each other, their chances of exhibiting the same behavior in their own lives is significant.
Often, unhappy spouses ask their friends, family and counselors if they should leave or stay. The best answer is for them to do everything they can to try and save their marriage first, as long as their spouse is not abusive.
Do the work to try and save your marriage and if all efforts have failed, divorce may be the best option.If divorce is the answer and one day your children ask you why, you can tell them that you both tried your best to make it work.
You are teaching your children a much better lesson than making them believe that love is all about suffering.
Just ask any therapist or counselor and they’ll tell you they’ve seen the children of divorce go through all types of emotions from anger to sadness and even relief!
Relief that they don’t have to stay up at night listening to their arguments, relief that there is peace and calm, relief that their parents are much happier and actually smiling again.
If you’re not sure if you should stay or go, there is one good question that you can ask yourself: If it were my child in my situation, how would I advise him or her? If there’s no question that you would advise them to leave, that may help you arrive at your answer.
Children are very keen and they know when their parents are miserable.
If their parents got into a huge fight in front of them at breakfast and Mom ran into the bedroom crying and Dad slammed the door on his way to work, the child carries those emotions with them to school and it could affect their mood and concentration for the rest of the day.
Sometimes ending a deeply upsetting marriage teaches children about the importance of self-worth and that true love is about peace not war.
If you need a Los Angeles divorce lawyer, contact our firm for a free case evaluation.