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What Spouses Need to Understand About Divorce

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If you’re seriously contemplating divorce, or if you’re already in the middle of it, one great place to get advice is from a divorce law firm that has represented countless clients in the divorce process. When it comes to honest conversations about what it’s like to end a marriage for good, readers don’t hear much from divorce lawyers – and that’s why we’re discussing it here.

We thought about divorce and what every divorcing spouse needs to know if they find themselves on the road to divorce. Here’s what we came up with:

1. Divorce is one of the most devastating experiences someone will ever go through; it’s considered to be second to experiencing the death of a loved one. If you’re going through a divorce, do not think about going through this alone. If you try to deal with this by yourself, it’s almost guaranteed that the pain will last much longer than it should.

Our advice is to spend plenty of time with close friends and family. People may feel inclined to give you advice, but you don’t necessarily need it. What you need is to unload, to get it all out. Your friends and family are there to support you, especially when you feel your lowest. Don’t be shy about calling them when you need someone to talk to. That’s what friends and family are for.

2. If you’re considering dating again, be careful about jumping into a new relationship too soon. Even if you dated the person before the marriage, you want to remember that the person you are today, is not the same person you’re going to be when the divorce is finalized and you’re all healed.

We do not recommend moving in with a new boyfriend or girlfriend, getting engaged, or making any other major life decisions during your divorce. Be patient with yourself. Wait until you’re fully balanced again, THEN decide what’s to come next in your life.

3. You may have been trapped in a “loveless” marriage for a long time. You’re physically separated and you know that if you begin dating while your divorce is pending, it’s unlikely that it’s going to haunt you as long as you keep it off social media and out of your spouse’s view. When you start dating again, people may start telling you that you’re not ready, especially if they have gone through divorce themselves.

You may scoff at them and think, “You don’t know me. I’ll be fine.” But when you look back, you may realize that they were right all along. We advise not to jump into a new relationship until you’re fully out of the first one. This means, don’t jump into a new one until your divorce is final.

4. Focus on your children at all times. For starters, this is what you should be doing. Second, spending loads of quality time with your kids will help you get over the pain of your divorce, and what your spouse may be saying about you, and doing that may be causing you agony.

5. Life with kids is crazy, scheduling-wise. To keep things organized, keep a detailed calendar. If you have older kids, you can use a Google calendar or something similar and have them add events so it can stay updated at all times.

Make sure that you and the kids look at the calendar every day. In a lot of people’s houses, if it’s not on the calendar, it doesn’t exist. Football games, dance classes, soccer practices, therapy sessions, dental appointments, sleepovers, playdates, and any other special event should be on the calendar. Unfortunately, if you don’t keep a detailed up-to-date calendar, it could lead to some hard lessons learned.

6. If you have minor children with your spouse, remember how important their relationship is with their other parent. Regardless of what went wrong in the marriage, and regardless of who made mistakes, it’s important to promote a healthy, loving relationship with their other parent.

For the same reasons you are kind and respectful at work and with colleagues, you should treat your ex-husband or wife with the same degree of kindness and thoughtfulness and expect them to do the same for you. Our advice is to be nice and respectful, even if it’s very hard. The benefits of treating your ex with respect are numerous and cannot be stressed enough.

7. Don’t go around badmouthing your ex to anyone who will listen to you. It’s not only a waste of time and energy, it’s a sign that you have not healed, nor have you moved on. One of the biggest parts of healing is to understand that your marriage failed and unless domestic violence or substance abuse was the cause of the demise, it takes two. Very few divorces are all one person’s fault, usually both spouses played a part. Take responsibility for the role you played and be sure not to repeat the same behavior when you enter into a new relationship.

8. One of the best ways to start the healing process is to practice gratitude. If you have children, be eternally grateful for them and think about how fortunate you are to have them in your life. Regardless if you have kids, you probably have a long list of things you are grateful for, including the lessons learned from your failed marriage. Write them down, and read them daily and every time you need some cheering up.

Next: You Can Have a Great Divorce, Here’s How

We sincerely hope you found this article useful. If you’re looking for divorce representation in the Greater Los Angeles Area, contact Claery & Hammond, LLP today.

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