If you’re like many unhappy spouses, you probably have a list of
New Year’s resolutions. If filing for
divorce is one of them, your list of resolutions is probably very different than
it was in previous years.
Instead of planning to “read more” or spend more time at museums,
you’re probably planning on getting fit, spending more time with
family and friends, creating a balanced budget as a single person, taking
new classes, and improving your value career wise. After all, when you
file for divorce, there is no better time than to start focusing on yourself.
For recently separated or divorced people, it’s easy to get emotionally
caught up in the divorce. Often, feelings of anger, sadness, and loss
are overwhelming, but they don’t have to be. Instead of viewing
a divorce as a failure, you want to think of it as a liberation, a second
chance at happiness – and the sooner you get started the better.
Surely, you can expect to go through the initial emotions, which can be
intense, but you don’t want to let these feelings limit your happiness
for too long. If you have children, now is a great time to
focus on them, without your cellphone distracting you.
If you don’t have children, you may want to focus your energy on
your family and friends, or consider taking a trip to change the environment
and get your mind off of things. If what you really need is “alone
time,” then by all means use that vacation time you have saved up
and get away.
Put Your Needs at the Top of Your List
If you have children, you need to find balance with their needs, but you
certainly want to put your needs at the top of the list. When a family
is struck by divorce, children need their parents to be loving and emotionally
strong. If you’re constantly angry or sad, it won’t be good
for your children and it won’t help them cope with the divorce.
So, you need to look for activities that can be therapeutic, that can
improve you mood.
Think, what will help me right now? If re-enrolling in college, or getting
a new job, or visiting close friends or family, or taking a trip with
your children will put you in a better place, then by all means do what
needs to be done to ease this major transition.
Money Matters Post-Divorce
A large percentage of Americans feel like their finances could be better.
When you get divorced, you want to put adequate attention on your personal
finances. Since the majority of divorcées find themselves more
cash-strapped after a divorce, it’s critical that they take a good
hard look at their finances and start implementing smart financial strategies.
For example, let’s say a stay-at-home mom has been out of the workforce
for the last five years. While she may be anticipating spousal support,
it’s not automatic. If a woman’s husband cannot afford to
pay spousal support, she may not receive it. In that case, she needs to
start thinking about re-entering the workforce and how she’s going to do it.
If her children are school-age and her husband does not earn a lot, she
may have no other choice but to find a job. She needs to evaluate her
situation and ask herself:
What will I do if the judge does not award
- With my work experience, can I get a good-paying job?
- Should I go back to school so I can get a better job?
- How much money will I need each month to support myself and my children
after the divorce?
For husbands and wives that have been out of the workforce so they can
raise children, often, their education and job skills are out-of-date.
In these situations, it may be necessary for them to return to college,
take online classes, or attend a vocational school so they can get a decent-paying
job, one that allows them to afford Southern California’s high cost
Aside from improving one’s employment situation and opportunities,
it’s important to put focus on money itself. Unless you’re
wealthy, you probably don’t want to look for happiness in a new
flat screen TV, or with a lavish home you can’t afford. Instead,
you’re better off creating a balanced budget, putting money in savings,
paying off debt, and finding ways to
increase your income.
As a matter of fact, if you feel somewhat or completely out of control
during your divorce, the one thing you can control is your money: how
you spend it, how you save it, and how much you make.
During a time when you feel helpless, you can take your energy and focus
it on improving your financial health. If you can afford one, now is a
great time to see a financial advisor and get advice on saving and investing.
Letting Go of the Past
If you’re feeling down and out, or holding on to the bitter aspects
of your divorce, it’s time to let go of the past. Here are a few
ways to help you let go and move on with your life:
- Spend loads of time with family and friends
If you have children, spend
quality time with them
- Don’t regret yesterday, instead focus on tomorrow
- Tell your loved ones how fortunate you are to have them in your life
- Engage in your favorite hobbies and leisure activities
- Eat right and get into the best shape of your life
- Do something you’ve always wanted to do
- Consider trying something new and exciting
Forgive your ex and yourself for the divorce and
- Create happiness in your own life before looking for someone to share it with
- Close the book on your marriage and focus on the next chapter of your life
- Be polite and respectful to your ex, regardless of how you feel about him or her
If you are contemplating divorce, one of the best ways to feel good about
the process is to have an experienced divorce attorney representing you
and looking out for your best interests from day one. For the dedicated
legal representation you need,
contact Claery & Hammond, LLPfor a