It is common for people to believe that by their nature, women are a lot
more emotional than men, however, that just may not be the case when it comes to
divorce. Many studies have been conducted on the subject and as it turns out, men
tend to have a harder time with divorce than women, but why is this?
Men may seem emotionally strong, but divorce may be the one thing that
disproves that. Compared to women, men have a lot to lose when they get
a divorce and it’s their health and happiness that take a direct
hit. In this article, we take a look at some of the reasons why men have
such a hard time with divorce.
When Men Try to Avoid Grieving
Traditionally, girls, female teens, and women are encouraged to vent, to
let their emotions out and cry. Meanwhile, boys are typically raised to
be strong, to be tough, and to avoid crying because “crying is for
Divorce is well-known for being one of the most stressful things an adult
will every experience, second only to having a friend or family member
dies. When a man is going through a divorce, he’s losing the woman
who was supposed to be his soulmate, his lifelong partner, so it’s
natural for him to grieve the loss. When men try to bury their feelings
and skip the grieving period, naturally, they still “feel” the loss.
After all, their plans have been completely derailed. Their goals, dreams,
and the entire future have taken a different path and from that point
forward, their life course is going to change, perhaps significantly.
Unlike a lot of men, women take time out to grieve. They understand that
it’s healthy to process their emotions. They’ll turn to friends,
family, and even professionals to help them deal with their strong emotions.
In contrast, when a man bottles up his emotions, he can suffer from debilitating
depression and anxiety.
When Men’s Health Declines
Depression can have many negative effects on the body. It can lead to anxiety
and all kinds of physical symptoms, such as insomnia, headaches, fatigue,
chronic pain, weight loss or gain, nausea, inflammation, and an increased
risk of heart disease.
Men can experience additional stress from the loss of identity and financial
concerns. Men are also more likely than women to self-medicate by turning
to alcohol and drugs during stressful times. Women, on the other hand,
are more likely to seek emotional support from friends, family, and licensed
“Many of the physical changes caused by depression, such as insomnia
or a lack of deep sleep, are thought to weaken your immune system. This
can make existing illnesses worse. In turn, physical changes caused either
by depression or chronic disease can trigger or worsen depression. All
these changes can lead to a vicious cycle that's tough to break without
treatment for both depression and any other diseases,” according to
When men are married, their wives usually encourage them to engage in healthy
behaviors. Wives will often discourage smoking, heavy drinking, and poor
dietary choices. When men are having trouble at work or depressed, they’ll
turn to their wives for support. But when men are on their own, they won’t
seek emotional support from others. Instead, they may engage in self-destructive
habits that help them “numb the pain” of the divorce.
Men Tend to Rush Into Rebounds
Since men don’t take the time out to rediscover themselves and grieve
the death of their marriages, they’re in the habit of seeking out
rebound relationships so they don’t have to be lonely. In fact,
it’s very common for men to get involved in a new relationship soon
after a breakup or divorce. This behavior can lead to poor choices and
Women, on the other hand, don’t usually rush into new relationships
the way their exes do. They’ll take “a year off” or
they’ll at least put on the brakes on commitment. Women take the
time to grieve, to process their emotions, to focus on rediscovering themselves
and who it is they want to be.
Women may take dating slow and take their time before making a new relationship
official, strengthening their futures. After all, women realize that dating
can be a lot like being back in high school – relationships and
dating can be very uncertain and women realize this more than men do.
What’s more, divorced women are a lot less likely to remarry than
divorced men are.
If you take a look at dating websites and apps, there’s a large surplus
of men compared to women. When divorced women have children, they may
not want to enter into a serious relationship for a long time after the
one with their children’s father went sideways. They’re often
afraid that a new relationship won’t last either.
Men Miss Their Children a Lot
Even though fathers have equal rights to child custody, still, women end up with
custody more often than not. As a result, men miss their children a lot. If the
man doesn’t get joint custody, he’ll miss out on seeing his
children on a daily basis and this alone can be very depressing for fathers.
It can really hurt.
Men can feel like they’re missing out on their children’s everyday
lives and they’ll miss out on milestones, baseball games, practices,
and just having daily conversations with their kids over the dinner table.
Men can also forget to call their children to find out what’s going
on and they’ll miss out on the little things that have a big impact
on their emotions, even if they’re bad at showing it.
"Men have to break through the 'I've got to do it myself and
go it alone' attitude," said
Lewis Denbaum, a relationship coach and YourTango expert. "Women are so much better
about relying on one another, and this whole 'big boys don't cry'
mentality has had an entirely negative impact on men's well-being."