As parents going through divorce, it can be very difficult to be strong in front of your children, but it has to be done. While parents are going through divorce, more than anything their children need reassurance and to "just be kids."
Often, when parents are going through a divorce, they allow themselves to break down in front of their kids, or "vent" their emotions, but what they don't realize is that they're doing it at the expense of their children's wellbeing.
Here are some of the biggest mistakes parents make while going through a divorce:
- They use their child as a pawn.
- They force the child to choose sides.
- They spoil the child with material gifts.
- They transfer their feelings.
- The parent is too emotionally needy.
- The parent treats their child like an adult.
- They allow family events to turn into pressure cookers.
- They use the child to obtain information.
- They use the child to manipulate, influence or control their ex.
Essentially, you don't want to burden your children with information or situations that they cannot control because it'll only make them feel helpless and bad about the situation. Additionally, you don't want to force them to deal with adult issues, even if it means having to "listen" to them.
Children Need These Things During Divorce
Considering the fact that children's lives undergo changes when their parents split, it's understandable why their needs become exaggerated. When parents are going through a divorce, children need these things the most:
- To be accepted
- To be reassured that they are loved
- Assurance that everything will be okay
- They need structure
- Consistency between the two households
- Plenty of time with both parents
- Stable parents who maintain a united front
- Parents need to let kids be kids
- Remind them that they are not to blame for the divorce
If you're going through a rough divorce, you want to remind yourself that it's important that you put your child's best interests ahead of your own. It may be hard to do, but one day your children will be grateful that you did.
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