On a couple’s wedding day, the bride and groom make promises to each
other, such as “I’ll love you for better, for worse, for richer,
for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”
Or, perhaps they write their own vows where they promise to love one another
regardless of their idiosyncrasies forever and until they die –
something to that effect.
Sooner or later, almost all couples encounter the “worse” parts
of the marriage and their relationship and patience is truly put to the
test. In many cases, couples buckle under the pressure and run straight
to divorce court. Not that we’re condoning
divorce as the go-to solution for marital strife, but we’re being realistic
and explaining what we’ve observed directly in our practice.
If your marriage is currently under stress, you may be wondering, “Is
what we’re going through normal? Do other couples have the same
problems we do?” To shed light on the subject, we’re listing
some of the common causes of divorce. Each reason included on this list
is something we have first-hand experience with.
If you can relate, please know that you are not alone; many other spouses
are going through the same issues. While some of these are typical causes
of divorce, others do not receive as much media attention, but that does
not make them any less real.
1. Lost that ‘loving’ feeling. A lot of couples describe this as the loss of passion. They somehow lose
that loving feeling and wonder, “Can I remain unhappy for the rest
of my life or is there something more out there?”
2. Household duties are uneven. It’s not uncommon for one spouse to feel like they handle the majority
of the household duties while the other spouse does little if nothing
around the house. When both spouses work full-time, the spouse who cleans
and cooks more can feel very bitter about this imbalance.
3. Chronic illness. If one spouse becomes chronically ill after the marriage takes place, it
can create a lot of stress in the relationship. The healthy spouse can
become disillusioned and lose interest in the marriage.
4. Depression. If one spouse suffers from clinical depression and things do not turn around
after seeking treatment, it can wreak havoc on the relationship, especially
when children are involved. If the spouse who is not depressed has to
handle most of the child and household-related duties, he or she can become
resentful and this can place a great deal of strain on a marriage.
5. Overbearing in-laws. Many will agree that having loving in-laws who are supportive and help
with the grandchildren can be a real blessing, but sometimes in-laws are
anything but. Overbearing or judgmental in-laws can drive a wedge right
through an otherwise healthy relationship.
6. Grief from miscarriage. Couples grieve miscarriages in different ways, but sometimes one or multiple
miscarriages will cause such grief that the marriage is affected directly.
7. Personality differences. The saying “opposites attract” may be true in regards to chemistry
and physical attraction, but in reality, personality differences can quickly
drive a couple apart. This is especially true when couples marry after
a short courtship. Other times, a couple will marry young and as the spouses
mature, their personalities develop and change. As a result, the spouse
become very different people and no longer enjoy each other’s company
the way they once did.
8. Inability to have children. Each couple handles infertility differently. Some spouses are at peace
with it and will say, “It’s okay, we can foster children or
adopt.” Meanwhile, others will be so distressed about not having
a biological child, they prefer to end their marriage and find someone
else who is fertile and able to produce a biological son or daughter.
9. Addiction to pornography. Technically, it’s not “cheating” when a spouse watches
pornography but many spouses don’t see it that way. Pornography
is very individual; some couples condone it while others have a spouse
who is strongly against it. Then, there are spouses who have an actual
addiction to pornography. Like other addictions, this can be very unsettling
for their husbands and wives, especially when it affects intimacy or the
10. Drug or alcohol abuse. When a spouse is addicted to prescription drugs, illegal drugs, or alcohol,
or all the above, it will almost always affect the marriage. Addiction
is known to lead to financial problems, domestic violence, driving under
the influence (DUI), and health problems. It can also affect employment,
parenting, and physical intimacy.
11. Infidelity. Unfortunately, countless marriages are destroyed by infidelity. Sometimes,
the cheating isn’t physical – it’s emotional. For example,
a marriage can be ruined by a “Facebook affair” or by another
type of online affair, even though the emotional affair was never consummated.
Often, this is because the emotional affair was discovered before there
was an opportunity for it to become physical.
12. Ongoing conflict. Almost all spouses face some degree of conflict eventually. Even the “most
attractive, most financially well-off” couples have problems. When
the conflict is ongoing and it escalates to name calling and disrespect,
the passion can be lost forever.
13. Death of a child. The death of a child can be so unbearable that even the happiest of marriages
can unravel. Often, this occurs when one spouse has overwhelming guilt
or cannot help but blame their spouse for the child’s death. When
a spouse can’t forgive, it can lead to divorce.
14. Having an autistic child. It can be very difficult for a loving couple to raise an autistic child.
Sometimes, the breadwinner won’t understand what the stay-at-home
parent is going through day-in-and-day-out and this lack of understanding
can lead to conflict, resentment and eventually divorce. Without ample
patience and compassion for each other, couples with disabled children
can give up on each other.
15. Career issues. Just as unemployment can lead to bankruptcy divorce, a successful career
can do the same. Often, entrepreneurs and CEOs will spend so little time
at home that the marriage can die. This is a very sad reality for wealthy
couples whose careers get in the way of building successful marriages.
Are you looking for a Los Angeles divorce attorney? If so,
contact our firm for experienced, compassionate representation.