Your Marriage Under Stress

On a couple’s wedding day, the bride and groom make promises to each other, such as “I’ll love you for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” Or, perhaps they write their own vows where they promise to love one another regardless of their idiosyncrasies forever and until they die – something to that effect.

Sooner or later, almost all couples encounter the “worse” parts of the marriage and their relationship and patience is truly put to the test. In many cases, couples buckle under the pressure and run straight to divorce court. Not that we’re condoning divorce as the go-to solution for marital strife, but we’re being realistic and explaining what we’ve observed directly in our practice.

If your marriage is currently under stress, you may be wondering, “Is what we’re going through normal? Do other couples have the same problems we do?” To shed light on the subject, we’re listing some of the common causes of divorce. Each reason included on this list is something we have first-hand experience with.

If you can relate, please know that you are not alone; many other spouses are going through the same issues. While some of these are typical causes of divorce, others do not receive as much media attention, but that does not make them any less real.

1. Lost that ‘loving’ feeling. A lot of couples describe this as the loss of passion. They somehow lose that loving feeling and wonder, “Can I remain unhappy for the rest of my life or is there something more out there?”

2. Household duties are uneven. It’s not uncommon for one spouse to feel like they handle the majority of the household duties while the other spouse does little if nothing around the house. When both spouses work full-time, the spouse who cleans and cooks more can feel very bitter about this imbalance.

3. Chronic illness. If one spouse becomes chronically ill after the marriage takes place, it can create a lot of stress in the relationship. The healthy spouse can become disillusioned and lose interest in the marriage.

4. Depression. If one spouse suffers from clinical depression and things do not turn around after seeking treatment, it can wreak havoc on the relationship, especially when children are involved. If the spouse who is not depressed has to handle most of the child and household-related duties, he or she can become resentful and this can place a great deal of strain on a marriage.

5. Overbearing in-laws. Many will agree that having loving in-laws who are supportive and help with the grandchildren can be a real blessing, but sometimes in-laws are anything but. Overbearing or judgmental in-laws can drive a wedge right through an otherwise healthy relationship.

6. Grief from miscarriage. Couples grieve miscarriages in different ways, but sometimes one or multiple miscarriages will cause such grief that the marriage is affected directly.

7. Personality differences. The saying “opposites attract” may be true in regards to chemistry and physical attraction, but in reality, personality differences can quickly drive a couple apart. This is especially true when couples marry after a short courtship. Other times, a couple will marry young and as the spouses mature, their personalities develop and change. As a result, the spouse become very different people and no longer enjoy each other’s company the way they once did.

8. Inability to have children. Each couple handles infertility differently. Some spouses are at peace with it and will say, “It’s okay, we can foster children or adopt.” Meanwhile, others will be so distressed about not having a biological child, they prefer to end their marriage and find someone else who is fertile and able to produce a biological son or daughter.

9. Addiction to pornography. Technically, it’s not “cheating” when a spouse watches pornography but many spouses don’t see it that way. Pornography is very individual; some couples condone it while others have a spouse who is strongly against it. Then, there are spouses who have an actual addiction to pornography. Like other addictions, this can be very unsettling for their husbands and wives, especially when it affects intimacy or the couple’s finances.

10. Drug or alcohol abuse. When a spouse is addicted to prescription drugs, illegal drugs, or alcohol, or all the above, it will almost always affect the marriage. Addiction is known to lead to financial problems, domestic violence, driving under the influence (DUI), and health problems. It can also affect employment, parenting, and physical intimacy.

11. Infidelity. Unfortunately, countless marriages are destroyed by infidelity. Sometimes, the cheating isn’t physical – it’s emotional. For example, a marriage can be ruined by a “Facebook affair” or by another type of online affair, even though the emotional affair was never consummated. Often, this is because the emotional affair was discovered before there was an opportunity for it to become physical.

12. Ongoing conflict. Almost all spouses face some degree of conflict eventually. Even the “most attractive, most financially well-off” couples have problems. When the conflict is ongoing and it escalates to name calling and disrespect, the passion can be lost forever.

13. Death of a child. The death of a child can be so unbearable that even the happiest of marriages can unravel. Often, this occurs when one spouse has overwhelming guilt or cannot help but blame their spouse for the child’s death. When a spouse can’t forgive, it can lead to divorce.

14. Having an autistic child. It can be very difficult for a loving couple to raise an autistic child. Sometimes, the breadwinner won’t understand what the stay-at-home parent is going through day-in-and-day-out and this lack of understanding can lead to conflict, resentment and eventually divorce. Without ample patience and compassion for each other, couples with disabled children can give up on each other.

15. Career issues. Just as unemployment can lead to bankruptcy divorce, a successful career can do the same. Often, entrepreneurs and CEOs will spend so little time at home that the marriage can die. This is a very sad reality for wealthy couples whose careers get in the way of building successful marriages.

Are you looking for a Los Angeles divorce attorney? If so, contact our firm for experienced, compassionate representation.